"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." J. Danforth Quayle

Sunday, April 8, 2012

It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Dyng

One side-effect of the abnormally warm spring is that the pussy willows have already come and gone. This puts a giant crimp in the plans of those who look forward to celebrating Dyngus Day, an obscure holiday of Eastern European (pagan) origins. Virtually unknown in most of the civilized world, it has grabbed a foothold right here in Western New York. In a manner similar to other holidays celebrated locally - St. Patrick's Day, Columbus Day, Tuesday - it is often used as an excuse to drink copious amounts of Labatt's Blue.

It seemingly involves dousing an unsuspecting female victim with water, and striking them with pussy willows (And virgins. Virgins are always somehow involved in such antics). With the pussy willows fuzzing so early local Dyngus Masters, or Dyngies, urged participants to gather their hirsute wands early, lest they be forced into the use of a prosthetic Dyngus.

So, let the word go out that Buffalo isn't just about losing Super Bowls and Buffalo Style (insert your substance here). We can also talk proud of our saturnalia of waterboarding, ritual flagellation, and virgins. Lots of virgins.

Pass the Blue . . .

4/9 - Edited for timlinesss

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